“You’re probably thinking ‘My boyfriend said this was supposed to be a superhero movie, but that guy in the suit just turned that other dude into a fucking kebab.’ Surprise, this is a different kind of superhero story!”
–The Merc With A Mouth.
The world’s funniest anti-hero finally got his own movie, and, thank God, it was everything it was supposed to be. For those of you living under a ROCK, Deadpool is a disfigured and mentally unstable mercenary with an accelerated healing factor and immense physical prowess. His badass katanas, guns and ninja skills aside, Deadpool is RENOWNED for DEMOLISHING the fourth wall – being a comic book character who knows he’s a comic book character. Deadpool makes more pop culture references than any other fictional character, and his references are referred to in-story as symptoms of his insanity.
(A favourite is when he proclaimed his desire to make everyone acknowledge his existence become “Hokage” – a triumphant and glorious Naruto reference, while locked in battle, fittingly, with a ninja.)
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (also known as Wolverine: the Fan-Fiction) introduced us to Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool, and, in the brief moments that Wade Wilson was actually Wade Wilson, we saw that ‘God’s Perfect Idiot’ was a perfect fit for the Merc with a Mouth.
In the few moments when Deadpool was allowed to talk and kill onscreen, he became everyone’s favourite part of the movie. And then they sewed his mouth shut.
And gave him Baraka blades in his arms.
What. (I mean, did you see how long they were? How did he even bend his arms when they were retracted into his body?)
And Cyclops’s optic blasts?
Wolverine: The Fan-Fiction did so much damage to the character of Deadpool, and was such a horrific deviation from all that we know, that Ryan Reynolds considered it a low-point of his career.
Fortunately, the fan outcry, and the fan demand was so great that we eventually got what we wanted. We got a new movie.
There was just one problem! The same studio was making it! The same studio that inexplicably sewed his mouth shut the first time!
We had to wait a hell of a long time for it too, with cinematic release dates pushed back further and further until it seemed like another case of development hell.
And then, even when we got the trailer, people knew enough to know it could still be screwed up.
The most common post on the youtube trailer?
“Please don’t suck.”
It was clear. People loved Deadpool, but they knew that Hollywood in general has a tendency to screw things up. Fans around the world got another big scare when rumours abounded of a PG cut of the movie, when a concerned mother wanted something for her kid to watch.
Now, yes, that is a cool mom, no matter how people trashed her for it.
They really should have gone after the kid.
Kids – and shameless pandering to kids – ruin franchises. EVERYONE KNOWS THIS.
Don’t blame the mom. Blame children. All of them.
But as it turns out… we needn’t have worried. Deadpool has the highest opening day for any R-Rated movie, ever… and it was well-earned. I’ll stop here before I get into any spoilers.
For those of you who haven’t seen it yet, you’re in for a hell of a treat.
And for those of you who have… why the fuck are you reading this article?
GO WATCH IT AGAIN!